Hello!
Bonjour!
HAI! MOSHIMOSHI! (jk, jk)
So wassup guys? Jae back here with some more idiocy and rambling.
The following post will contain excessive amounts of swearing and reverting back to the old blogging method. Please try to follow along.
1) I'm sick
(Shut up, It was worth mentioning)
2) We got our Mid Sem reports today. Wow. Never have I been so nervous to get one. And never have I been SO devastated to peek at the contents. When I saw my mid Sem reports, I wanted to rip it up. I wanted to hide it from everybody. I wanted to go and shoot myself, whilst hanging myself. Yeah. It was that bad. I don't FUCKING understand why I keep doing this. I keep promising myself 'I'll actually try. no, i NEED to try, for my parents, and at least for myself. But halfway through the term, wait. Scrap that. Halfway through the first week my confidence crumbles, I die of stress and go into full 'Yoloni' mode. I hate myself for doing it every time, and I disappoint my parents every report that comes out. I just can't seem to focus on one task long enough for something half decent to come out. Whether that be a Maths assignment, a Science report, a English Essay, or a SoSe Report (all things that are overdue, or not finished properly) I just can't seem to sit down, and bring up something half decent.
When I saw the report, I thought I was a bout to buckle, and nearly started to hyperventilate. I put an imaginary gun against my head and shot myself with an imaginary bullet. I'm scared. My parents always told me that if I do this shit in highschool, I'll never achieve anything in college, and not to even dream about Uni.And I think after three years and three terms, I can finally understand slightly what they mean. I know I still really dislike them for beating me up at every little problem, but I can see what they're trying to do.They just want me to be a normal kid, who studies well, gets good grades, gets into a proper Uni, gets a good job, and lives a happy life. I know they want me to be like my sister. Smart, well achieving, and complacent with her place in life.
BUT I'M NOT MY SISTER. AND DON'T YOU EVER COMPARE ME TO HER. EVER.
Yes.. I have seriously considered suicide for a while now. And then I got rid of that idea as soon as I started to think about death again. And realised even though I hate my life THAT much, I don't want to cut it so short. But I still hate my life. And no amount of sympathising will change my mind.
And 3) #LEAPIESGOINGONLEAPCAMP!
I'm sick, I'm going to be on a bus with my classmates, and we're going to Tathra in drizzly weather!
INFECTION TIME!
Live long.
Prosper.
Life a happy life.
I wish.
Y'all be well now.
-J
(P.s Dong Hoon, this blog will be going public soon :P Just because I feel like people actually do need to know that I went back on my word XD After that really dramatic FUCK THIS BLOG rant on my other blog. XD )
Fair enough, Jae. It's fine :) I defintely understood you ranting in your other blog, and I thought it was completely acceptable. Hope you get better for LEAP camp! Also, I would be more than happy to help you out with some work :) That's what friends are for, right?
ReplyDeleteSchool is stressful as fuck, and I understand your difficulty with all of it. But, as DH said above^ I'm more than happy to help out with assignments and anything really! Just ask! <3
ReplyDeleteThat really sucks man. You probably won't listen but I'm going to try to give you some wonderful words of wisdom that will hopefully make you feel a little less stressed. Your grades in high school will basically not matter once you get your year 12 cert. Employers usually just care about your highest qualification. As well as that, if you don't go to UNI it isn't the end of the world. If you do really badly in college, it isn't the end of the world. I've known people who are very successful in school and get a degree that end up working in low paying jobs that they don't enjoy. I've seen people who basically failed college end up in jobs that they do enjoy.
ReplyDeleteObviously grades will help for some fields of work, but in most cases there is still more than one way to get into a certain career path.
One thing that people don't want to tell you is: Failing a subject, even failing all your subjects, is not the end of the world.
At the end of the day, you will be happiest if you live up to your own expectations. You will feel better if you set the goals that YOU want to achieve.
I know you well enough to have faith in you to achieve what you really want to if you work hard. Just don't beat yourself up if you don't live up to the expectations of others.
I'll help you if you need it.
Make sure you work towards the future that you want. Try hard, but don't think that your life is over/worthless if you fail. There is always another path that you can take.
I'm not really sure what I wrote here. I'm not sure if it came out right. But I guess what I meant is A) I have faith in you. B) I will help you if you need it. C) Your future should be what you want it to be. D) A bad report is not the end of the woeld
xoxo
-Tegdyrb
1) I love you all for your support :D And I really do wish that I can eventually pull through. Friends Forever! Yay! All that happy fun stuff and rainbows and ponies!
ReplyDelete2) Brydie... How the fuck... You know what I'm just not even going to bother asking how people find out about this shit now -.-;